How We Became Drug Dealers Over The Holiday

Brooke here. It was a glorious Christmas.

snowcanopy — The dogs at play, framed by one of the Japanese maples. The back yard was a stone's throw from magic today.

I grew up in Massachusetts and, like all supercilious and self-important displaced Northerners, I have nothing but scorn for how Southerners deal with the quote snow unquote.* But, while we got a very respectable snowfall, I feel terribly guilty about a white Christmas. Absolutely beautiful in every way, without question; however, the father of one of my childhood friends drove a snowplow and she cursed us blue if we ever said something about wanting snow on Christmas, since that meant her father would need to spend all day away from his family (opening presents might have been involved; we didn’t press the issue).

zusnowup — Plez cal teh ahthoriteez ur mahybe Sarah McLachlan becuz my ohners haf admiddit to teh druggginz uf my Alfa an I feer tehy will do teh saym to me. I haf lawyer on retaaner, do not worri abot cost.

Back on the ranch, Rottweiler Prime is now thoroughly addicted to painkillers. The vet swore up and down that doggie Vicodin doesn’t trigger the same dependency in canines as in humans, but Cutter John is a bit… angsty… when he doesn’t get his fix. I forgot to give him a second dose of his medication before bed, and couldn’t figure out why he kept dragging me out of bed and into the kitchen.

“Your water bowl is full! You’ve had dinner! You’ve been out! What’s wrong?!?”

“WOOF.”

I’m a little concerned as we’ve run out of one of the painkillers in his cocktail, and what with the holiday and the Sunday and the snow we’ve been unable to get to it refilled. We were out doing holiday stuff today and realized we were running a couple of hours behind:

“Crap,” I said. “The dog is coming down and the puppy is probably hungry.”

“Wonderful,” Brown said. “The house is going to look like a Sex Pistols photo shoot.”

* In my defense, it’s not just Northerners. An acquaintance from Russia woke up when her boyfriend came back to bed and asked why he wasn’t headed off to work. He said work had been closed for the day due to snow. She looked outside and said, “Snow? Where?”

2 thoughts on “How We Became Drug Dealers Over The Holiday”

I’m right there with you. Je suis Canadienne. It sometimes makes me giggle when cities shut down due to a few centimeters of snow. Though, to be fair, the great metropolitan city of Toronto called out the army to deal with the snow chaos a few years ago. The rest of us still make fun 🙂

Seattle tends to be schizophrenic about our snow. We’ll have a few flakes and everyone will panic, and so everything closes and it’s ridiculous.

Then the next time, we get most of a foot of snow and everyone pretends nothing’s happening, and so we end up with buses flying off the road and cars smashed into lightpoles everywhere, and massive power outages. (There are a number of Car In Snow Fiasco videos that end up on YouTube when this happens.)

We really, really need to reverse the snow-level/response pairing there.