If you visit the blog and there are no status updates (and this is retrospectively applied to the past week), it’s because we are pulling ivy and I have run out of adorable cutsy comments about this plant.
Removing ivy is a sucky process made all the more suckier as we have other projects to do, like install a fence and a retaining wall, but to do these very important things we have to find the ground first!
To remove ivy, you:
- Get out your industrial weed-whacker and remove the leaves, and do as much damage to the stems as possible;
- Take out your hoe and start tillin’;
- Resign yourself to hour after hour of yanking roots and stems from the top 4″ of freshly-turned dirt;
- Repeat again;
- Repeat again;
- Realize anew what it means to have a full acre and a half of land covered in ivy;
- Stand up, go inside, and rinse off; and
- Price the annual cost of owning a goat.
Ivy sucks. Did I mention it sucks? I’m using the baby swears because I promised my mother I would not use the words I normally apply to ivy removal, as Brown and I are working on a top-secret profanity project, one so revolutionary that the ivy will be scorched into dust by words alone.
The ivy not going away on its own. We asked our hardscape guy about ivy removal, and he said he either needed to poison the earth or pay one of his guys $25 an hour to do it by hand. And then Brown said he could buy a boat, and the hardscape guy agreed that, yes, he doesn’t like boats but he would absolutely be able to buy a nice small boat.